Sometimes I Cry!

I love Southern Gospel music even if that makes me “un-cool”! I like it’s folksy, real life lyrics and I could almost dance to their joyful tunes. Actually I am almost sure David danced to Southern Gospel music! Today I am reminded of a beautiful song sung by Jason Crabb called “Sometimes I Cry”! The song tells how in life, even a life dedicated to God, we find ourselves lonely and hurt. Sometimes in our attempt to protect the reputation of God, as if it needs protected, we smile and don’t let people know that we also experience the pain of this world. When asked, “how are you”? we smile and tell everyone we are fine when maybe our world is falling apart. Maybe we have had a dry season spiritually and have become so thirsty our tongues are parched. We actually long for someone to dip their finger into the cool water of Christ’s grace and touch it to our tongues but yet we stand tall not wanting anyone to know our weaknesses or our struggles. After all, we reason, they might get the idea that God hasn’t met my needs or maybe they might see my imperfection and wonder what kind of God I serve. Then as the song goes “we stumble over our own disguise as we try to look strong!”

I know for myself, I never share with anyone about my chronic depression that I don’t go away feeling like I might have let God down, some how. Shouldn’t Christians always be happy and cheerful? What will they think of my faith when I share that there are days it is hard just to get out of bed? Some days I am a mess! There are times when my prayers seem to go no higher than my head and even precious words from the bible ring hollow. There are times I fall down and ask "why" and question Almighty God. “And when I fall down, when I fail no matter how hard I try.” How many will sign up for this Christian life, when I look like a……human being suffering all the same things as everyone else.

At these times, my heart cheers at Hebrews 4:15-16

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Chorus: “Sometimes I Cry”

But sometimes I hurt, sometimes I cry

Sometimes I can’t get it right

No matter how hard I seem to cry.

Sometimes I fall down

Stumble over your own disguise

I try to look strong

As the whole world looks on

But sometimes alone I cry.

Beautiful and so true! I am grateful for my high priest who understands my weaknesses!

　

　

Writer's Block!

Writer's Block!









Blocks can be good or bad! In my twenty years working in the hospital blocks were usually bad. Blocked arteries were deadly, blocked bowels required surgery and right bundle branch block requires a trip to the cardiologist.

In the craft world there are quilt blocks when put together goes into making a quilt. When I looked on the internet for examples, there were so many beautiful ones made by talented people. I found builder blocks which brought some interesting pictures like this woman from India carrying blocks on her head. There are city block whether in a big city or small town. I especially liked the picture of a block in Chicago.

I love toy blocks for kids, I have seen kids enjoy them for hours. Do they still sell Lincoln Logs? If you would listen to my husband while he watches basketball games on TV you might hear him scream "block him, block him" that would be a basketball block I guess. And if I’m not mistaken he also screams the same thing about football games. I do know also that when you have problems with the "block" in your car it is not good.

Today I come to you as one who had the dreaded "writers block"! I have written several things but didn't feel lead to post them. I have used this time to pray for His will in my life and everything I say, do or write. As of today I have a few ideas knocking around in my head so I think that “block” has left me. My heart has been reminded that He is the foundation that I want to build my life upon, block by block! He is my Cornerstone!

Back Seat Victory!

Photo by Jeanie Nihiser

Many times one of my kids have grabbed me and in desperate tones asked me to pray with them. At times like these they don’t mean, go to your “prayer chair” and pray or sometime in the near future, pray this kind of request means “now Mom aloud” and many times on our knees. I have bowed my head and whispered words as we held hands, I have embraced my child and prayed into their ear only and I have been on my knees anywhere we need to go including the church alter. It has been the greatest privileges of my life to go to the throne with these who God has given me.

I have a special memory that happened early spring when I was “great with child” expecting my fourth baby. The twins were 6 years old and Christa was 8 and I had picked them up at school, a Christian school they were attending at the time, and “a deer in the headlights” wouldn’t begin to describe the fear that shone in their little faces that day. As they jumped into the car, all of them talking at the same time, I finally made out that they had talked about the “end times” in chapel that day. I don’t know if the presentation was at all “kid friendly” or not but evidently it scared them to the point that all they wanted to do was pray that Jesus would come into their hearts so they would be spared this awful fate. I can still see the back of those three little heads in the rear view mirror as they knelt in the back seat, eyes closed tight and hands folded with all the sincerity in their voices that has ever fell on the ears of our God. I almost chuckled at this sight but my heart was too overwhelmed with love for my God and my children. I, with eyes open as I drove, prayed. I prayed my heart out as they bowed there because I too belonged back there with them. I was still a pretty new Christian who avoided any mention of Christ’s returning and those “end times“. After all, I had a great life and I wanted to see my kids grow up and have kids of their own. I didn’t want to think of those horrific symbols in the bible. I consoled myself, thinking that there are so many who interpret it so differently, how would I even know who was right?

This past week my bible study group chose to study Daniel by Beth Moore and I was all excited until the introduction of the study. I love the old testament but had never thought about the book of Daniel being so filled with prophecy. My heart immediately took a dive to the “back seat” as I had done for so many years, successfully avoiding scriptures that talked about Jesus return and the end of days but now what was I to do? I could take the book, leave that day and never return or I could give it a try. As I started through the first chapter and the first lesson I couldn’t wait to work ahead so on and on I went. I began to see that these predictions that so frightened me before were just further proof that the God that created me, loved me and died for me also has plans for the future. Such visions as the "ten horned beast" was not literal but symbolic of kingdoms to come in the future. These signs didn't send me flying over the front seat but reminded me that He is in charge and He is Sovereign! I began to think about what that could mean to me as I study and wait for His return?

I love the way Charles Swindoll puts it in his book The Finishing Touch:

“Okay, swell. But what do I do in the meantime?” I can hear a dozen or more pragmatists asking that question. First, it might be best for you to understand what you don’t do. You don’t sit around, listening for some bugle call. You don’t keep staring up into the sky, looking for the rapture cloud. You don’t whip up a white robe and buy a helium-filled balloon with angels painted all over it. And you don’t quit work and move to Oregon for fear you’ll miss Him because of the smog. And for goodness sake, don’t try to set the date because of “the signs of the times”!

You do get your act together. You do live every day (as if it’s your last) for His glory. You do work diligently on your job and in your home (as if He isn’t coming for another ten years) for His Name’s sake. You do shake salt out every chance you get . . . and do shine the light . . . and remain balanced, cheerful, winsome, and stable, anticipating His return day by day. Other than that, I don’t know what to tell you.

Except, maybe, if you’re not absolutely sure you’re ready to fly, you get your ticket fast. As long as they are available, they’re free. But don’t wait. About the time you finally make up your mind, the whole thing could have happened, leaving you looking back instead of up.

What good is a ticket if the event is over?

Okay, I think I can do this! I just need to get out of the “back seat” like my daughters did that beautiful spring day, victorious, knowing Christ abides in our hearts whether He comes tomorrow or a thousand years from now!

　

Thanks Mom!

Daniel answered, “May the king live forever! ²² My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you, Your Majesty.” Daniel 6:21-22

Nearly every time I see one of my kids I can't help myself, I just have to comment on whatever I see as glorious about them on that particular day. To me each one of them are beautiful and handsome! I see their good qualities much more than I could see bad qualities! This also applies to my grandkids, wow are they ever "grand" as most grandparents would attest. Occasionally one of them will come back with "Yeah but you ARE my mom. Sound familiar?

This brings me to a discussion I had with the Lord the other day. I had sent one of my stories to a women's ministry to see if they could use my blog on their site. I imagined my name being listed as one of their writers and how "proud" I would be, how prestigious that would be! When I wasn’t notified of their joy of taking me in as one of their writers I moaned to God as I asked for a “hand up“ with these people. As I talked to my Father about this my words seem to go hollow. I wondered if God had dropped my call but still unraveled, I continued on. After giving my lengthy speech about the benefits to Him and His kingdom, I seemed to feel the Lord telling me that he was already pleased with me and what I was doing. Not only that he seemed to add “Isn’t that enough?“ I thanked him briefly for his blessing but......! I can only laugh at what came next in this crazy mind of mine. "Yeah, but, with all due respect, you ARE my FATHER! Sound familiar? Why do we strive so for the approval of man when the only opinion that matters is the Lord's?

I read today in Daniel, of how the king had made a law, with the prodding of evil men, that no one should worship or bow down to anyone other than, he, the king. At this time, Daniel had a great position and was trusted by the king but still Daniel chose to honor the King of Kings rather than king. Daniel continued to pray to the only true God three times a day and was finally arrested by those who were jealous of Daniel’s position. Daniel, I’m sure, could have gotten another “feather in his cap” if he had only bowed, and the king would have shown his approval but he chose to honor God instead of man. Daniel, indeed was thrown in with the hungry lions, but God closed the mouths of the lions and as we all know he came out of the den with not even a scratch.

Some days, we can feel that hungry lions surround us ready to eat us up. The pressure is always there to please the world and it’s idea of greatness. But if we obey God we will receive his greatness, his approval and our Father will say “Well done my good and faithful, child”! I praise you Lord, you ARE my Father!

..Trust God Steadily, Hope Unswervingly, Love Extravagantly

This is the view out my back door this morning.
I could barely see the sun through the clouds.

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 1 Corinthians 13:12-13

Last spring I determined that I would be outside every morning as the sun came up! So every evening before I went to bed I would check to see when the very minute the sun was due to come up. If it said 6:23am I was out there, not at 6:22 or 6:24 but at 6:23! The first morning I went out and I positioned my chair just so I could see it peak over the horizon. The morning was perfect, crisp enough that I through a blanket around my shoulders. The birds were singing and I found myself rejoicing in the beauty all around me while I waited. The trouble was, though I knew it came up in east, I didn’t realize that our house, my chair and me were not perfectly aligned with universe so I had to find the right spot to sit. The second problem I had was that though the sun came up, I couldn’t see it because of the trees, houses and barns that was in the way. So I found the sun came up but because of things in my way I didn’t see it right on time. And the last thing I found out was that sometimes there were clouds that blocked the sun all together. What’s a girl to do now?

Hmmm? So was I to believe that because I didn’t see the sun in the place I was looking, it wasn’t there? Isn’t it always in the same place? Because my view was blocked and I didn’t see it until later was it not on time? Could it be that on those days I didn’t see it at all, it was gone forever?

Many times I look for God in much the same way. I position myself for just how God is going to react (how I instructed Him to act) only to find that He in His wisdom did something different, perhaps even something I don‘t completely understand. Or maybe, though I thought myself to be in the right place spiritually, I wasn’t. Was there unforgiveness that stood in the way? Did you ever think God had forgotten all about what you prayed only to find He was there all the time, it was only later that you were able to see the results? Those results that came right on time! Clouds! I know about clouds that block your sight from seeing God. Maybe, like me, you have depression that seems to cloud your view at times, or maybe things have been bad in your life for so long that a thick black cloud envelopes you until hope is just a memory. Sometimes my view is blocked by very practical things like, lack of sleep, being too busy to pray or illness. But sometimes God is not ready for us to understand fully what He is doing in our lives, that’s where our trust comes in. We have to believe and trust in a sovereign God!

I looked up Sovereign in the dictionary and found that it means to have complete power and supreme authority. Isn’t that good? God is in complete control over everything! Who else could boast of having supreme power over everything? He is ruler over that “silly old sun” that I got up to watch each morning that spring. He alone is there all the time even if we can’t feel or see him. He alone times everything just right and is never late. He alone can always be found if we just look for him.

Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. Jeremiah 32:17

When they heard this, they raised their voices together in prayer to God. “Sovereign Lord,” they said, “you made the heavens and the earth and the sea, and everything in them. Acts 4:24

Sipping the Overflow of Joe!

This an antique document of over 50 years old!
Photo by me also an antique!

One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray... Luke 11:1

You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies. You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing. (Psalm 23:5 MSG)

I have always loved coffee but as my girls have grown to enjoy it too, I love it even more! While growing up I had a divided home! By that I mean Dad was a pot a day coffee drinker and my Mom loved hot tea in the morning. I think my grandma was the one that whetted my appetite for the delicious brew when I was just a little girl. I remember her having her coffee cup sitting on a saucer so to catch the overflow as she heaped sugar and cream into it. This is where I come in! After she stirred it just right, with the saucer catching the extra, she would let me drink the sweet concoction right from the saucer since it had cooled enough for me to drink. It was heavenly, as I remember it! I felt privileged to partake in this somewhat forbidden, adult treat as we all listened to Arthur Godfrey on the radio. In my childish mind I determined that when I grew up I would drink coffee in a cup, and like grandma, a saucer would catch the overflow. With the coming of giant mugs, I don't often drink from a cup with a saucer but when I do, warm feelings of my sweet grandma comes to mind.

As I think of that coffee of my youth, I wonder how much I would have loved my "Joe" if bitterness was the overflow from her cup. My grandma was a divorced woman when divorce was far less accepted than it is now and because of her divorce she found herself penniless, unskilled and uneducated. She had to take jobs that nowadays would be considered menial but throughout my life growing up she was always there for my family and me. At best, in the eyes of onlookers, she was a pretty ordinary woman or at worse she was known as "that divorcee" but for me her cup always overflowed with love. She had many reasons to be bitter and fill her cup with the biting bitterness of hate that betrayal and hurt sometimes brings but she chose the better, which was love. I am so glad I was there to drink in the overflow and it was sweet!

In 1968, when I was twenty years old my sweet grandma, Mary Helen Camp passed away. And there, still hanging on her wall was a faded piece of paper I gave to her when I was in second grade bible school. It was a lopsided pair of lips made of red construction paper with these words scrawled across the top... TEACH US TO PRAY! There was three things I knew about my grandma, she loved me, she loved God and she indeed learned to pray!

You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies. You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing. (Psalm 23:5 MSG)

The Race!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
Hebrews 12:1

I wish I could boast of great athletic ability but the truth is I have none. I could never see myself sliding into first base, risking bloodied knees, hurt hands and a mouth full of dust just to get a point on a score board. Football, really blows my mind! Actually catching the ball so that several three hundred pound men would run after you with the specific intent of knocking you down and flopping on top of you makes no sense to me.

I wish I were different, I wish I could talk of my time as a high school volley ball champ or even a letter in Tiddly Winks would be something but I just didn’t have it in me. Even when I was little there was a reason I wasn’t chosen to be on someone’s team, besides my total lack of ability, I usually gave myself away when I wondered off to catch a butterfly or pick flowers hoping they all would forget me. No one wanted to be left standing, not picked but I just didn’t care especially if I actually caught the butterfly. I probably spared many boys and girls from a poor self image because I was always the last one picked.

I admire people who can run for twenty six miles and force themselves across a line to the applause and adoration of spectators. I can’t say I wouldn’t love the moment and that sense of accomplishment but twenty six grueling miles of burning lungs, aching legs and throbbing muscles would be a deal breaker for me. My daughter, Missy, ran a half marathon and I was so proud of her and her determination. It’s pretty obvious she, as well as her sisters, got that kind of determination from their Dad who “gets” the whole competition thing. There, however, is a race I want to finish well! Paul talks of running a race, the race of life, the race marked out for us. This race even I can run!

I just read a book written by Billie Graham, one of my favorite Christian leaders, entitled “Nearing Home”! I almost didn’t buy the book because of the title, which suggests, as you might imagine, dying. I read the book in two days and found that indeed he talked about death but mostly he talked about finishing well. Finishing well and leaving a Godly heritage has been my hearts desire, now for quite sometime, but at this writing, I realize that living well or finishing well isn’t easy. Sometimes I need to do things that are hard in order to be a good witness to people around me. Today the Lord reminded me of something I have been needing to change and haven‘t. The truth is I have been disobeying what I know God wants me to do. So today I stubbed my toe while running my race but with God’s help and forgiveness I will continue on trying to run the race marked out for me.

If I live to be 93 years old as Mr. Graham, or go to heaven tomorrow, my prayer is to serve God, run the race laid out for me and “finish well”.

I want to live as long as the Lord would leave me here but I have to say “Nearing Home” does have a lovely sound to it.