Colored Pencils Theology

 I will share a secret that I don't tell everyone. I love to color in those so-called "adult coloring books". I can sit for hours coloring all sorts of things while my troubles seem to fade into the background. All I have to decide, in my coloring book, is what colors I want to fill in the lines of the multicolored cat or the bouquet of flowers. You see, I get to choose in my coloring book world. I don't always get to choose which colors show up in my life. What color is a cancer diagnosis? Grey, or maybe black, would be appropriate with this horrible disease. Does a layoff at your job have a color? Blue, maybe, but then again, life can seem darker in these situations. Will I ever be able to find another job at my age? How will I be able to provide for my family? Is the death of an adult child filled in with the darkest of your colored pencils? At first, definitely black. Though if, while alive, she loved Christ, the darkness doesn't have to be so dark. The thought of seeing her again is the hope that sustains us, sunshine yellow, maybe. Would a loving God give us only black to color our lives? Do we dutifully accept that freshly sharpened black addition and place it handy to grab among the blue bell, the sunshine yellow, or the green apple pencils?

I listened to a video that offered two ways to consider these things, and I found it to be true and comforting. Those who try to help say this is all part of God's plan, which somehow doesn't help, but to an aching heart, it can be a disappointment from a loving God. When we read all throughout the bible that he loves us and even sent his son to die for our sins, we still wonder why we must go through the pain. He does tell us we can have his peace as we join hands with him.

I have told you this so that you will have peace by being united to me. The world will make you suffer. But be brave! I have defeated the world! John 16:33 GNT

That, to me, means that I can and should keep my black colored pencil because life is not without trouble, some translations say sorrow, but look for sunshine yellow daffodils in his word, gaze into the bluebell colored sky as you look to him for peace, or enjoy the apple green tree leaves that flutter in the warm breeze, also provided by our gracious God. Stay in the lines and don't let the darkness spill into the beauty of all that our loving God has given us to enjoy. We are told to keep that dark pencil close because even Jesus cautions that we will have trouble in this world.

I have never seen a box of all black colored pencils, and I would never buy it anyway. So place your black pencil in a place you can get to, because even Jesus said we would have tribulation or troubles in this life. But take heart, the scripture says. Guess what? You can have peace in Jesus. Why? Because he has defeated the world that only brings suffering.

Oh, good! The scripture in the middle of my coloring page says, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

I wonder what color "love" would be? 

I 

Anniversary

 

I wonder how many tears a person can cry in a year? How many bottles did you, my God, use to collect them as they fell from our eyes? I wonder this on the eve of the home going of my daughter Mendy Jill.

The bible says that this painful day for our family does not escape my Lord’s notice as I know He cares for us His children.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8

Many times I have dared to imagine how you, sweet Mendy Lou, are doing, silly me, only to remember where you are. You suffer no more, you cry no more since our loving Lord has dried your tears. While our tears still flow and are collected here on earth your eyes are dried by the Savior’s own hand, forever.

You will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away. Revelations 21:4

In my grief and as usual, I have found a daily supply of comfort from our Lord through his Word. When my grandma died, I had never lost anyone I loved so much and I was clueless as to where to find comfort. As I paced the floor, my eyes fell upon an old family bible which I never read but was led that dark, night to cling to with all my might. I slept that night holding the fragile pages of the old book on my chest. These many years later I have thrilled at every letter of each word that has sustained me through good and bad times. John 14:1 Jesus tells me to trust my God and also trust Him (My Savior). And I do!

As I have pondered about what to write at this time, I remembered one evening that I sat with my girl, just her and me alone. The ravages of disease had taken a lot but her beautiful eyes sparkled at the thought of reading from the Holy Word. I chose Psalm 23 to share.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. At these first few words we both raised our hands in unison. Yes, He is our gentle shepherd we agreed. We are his little flock and he leads us, even in hard times, to quiet waters and a peace only our Good Shepherd gives. He refreshes our soul, yes we both shook our heads as I remember the weariness of these draining times. Though we walk through darkness we need not fear because you are with me. I sensed she prayed this for me more than herself. We both loved that he prepares a table before us, even in the grips of pain and disease. Oh, how she glowed at remembering how surely our cup overflows and that goodness and love will follow both of us all the days of our lives and to the afterlife. And Praise the Lord we shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I have not considered this day, this anniversary of her death a celebration but isn’t it?