T-O-T-A-L-L-Y ME!

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14

This is my new grandson, who God knitted together in his mother's womb! We will meet him in November and I can't wait to see this unique creation!

This picture and baby provided by Mendy and Dan Smith

I was captivated last night by reading the introduction to the book "Captivating" written by John and Stasi Elldredge! I was interested in reading this book because my daughter in New York is using this book as a study guide for she and some women in her church. As I thought about the unveiling of a woman's heart, I was taken back to a time in my life when I was a young wife, mother as well as a new Christian. I searched for my identity as a Christian woman. Of course, through the many self improvement books, I was lead to read about the Proverbs 31 woman. The perfect woman, right? I poured over these verses and in my mind I could see me being like this woman! But in time I came to the conclusion that this was an impossible thing for me, so I promptly decided that I was not spiritual enough! I failed daily as I tried to be this woman. Years later, I would realize that the description of the "perfect woman" was written by a mother to her son, as to how to find a perfect wife! Don't you pity the poor bride that would run into this mother-in-law? Then came the real clincher! In the seventies a woman wrote a book called "Total Woman" and as I practically memorized each page, I set out to be the "total woman" (minus the plastic wrap)! Again, daily failure as I tried to be someone else's idea of who and what I should be. Since I tend to be an all-or-nothing person, these daily failures paralyzed me but one day I found hope in Psalm 139!

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
Psalm 139:1

As I read this beautiful chapter in Psalms that tells of God's unfathomable love and interest in who I am, there was not a note in parentheses that tells me to refer to Proverbs 31, no footnote directing me to read "Total Woman" or no instructions to find another person to pattern my life after. He tells me that he knows me and he loves me just the way he made me! He made me to be me!If I was to write a book I would have to entitle it "total mess" or "just barely adequate" most of time but at the same time, I could always write a book entitled "Totally Known by My Father" with a subtitle "And Totally Loved Just the Way I Am"!

Do I find myself still feeling guilty for not being "perfect"? Does it snow in Illinois in the winter? Certainly I do, but that is when I go back to scripture that tells me of God's unfathomable, unfailing and unconditional love!

Now excuse me while I read how to be captivating!